Why?

I'm going to talk about the book of Acts, because that's what I've been reading most recently in preparation for my group presentation.

[caption: Stephen, a Christian, sees Jesus as he is getting stoned to death; Acts 7]

Acts is an interesting book. It's in the New Testament, so conflicts arise between Jews and Christians—often. The Jews are set in their ways, they don't believe Jesus is the Messiah, and they want to kill everyone who becomes Christian. The Christians are energetic about their faith, and want to convert everyone. It's actually not too different from the present day.

What I don't understand is how so many people convert to Christianity so quickly. All it takes is one speech, and suddenly 3,000 people convert and get baptized. They obviously are simple-minded. Why don't they ask "Why?" What makes Christianity better, or even very different, from Judaism? Miracles are being performed left and right, but this isn't enough for me. It's good some Jews held out; the Christians seem like mindless drones to me. About miracles; it seems like they are the only thing Jesus has going for him. Now that he is in Heaven, he wants to show off his power. Honestly, miracles are good when they involve healing people, but when they involve blinding people with "majestic light," they're just unnecessary shows of power. Jesus is unhappy that he didn't get enough credit, so now he's overdoing the miracles to make up for it.

I chose the above picture because first of all, it's an exciting part of Acts, and second of all, it's an example of why the Christian ways annoy me. Stephen is getting stoned to death because he is rude to the Jews. Like many preaching Christians, he condemns the Jews before they have a chance to think about what he is trying to tell them. He name-calls and is generally immature (although he is described as  "full of grace and power").

"You stiff-necked people, uncircumcised in heart and ears, you are forever opposing the Holy Spirit, just as your ancestors used to do. Which of the prophets did your ancestors not persecute? They killed those who foretold the coming of the Righteous One, and now you have become his betrayers and murderers. You are the ones that received the law as ordained by angels, and yet you have not kept it." (Acts 7:51-53)

Stephen blames the Jews he is talking to for their ancestors' deeds, which they obviously had nothing to do with. This quote is at the end of a long speech, and it seems as if Stephen is provoking the Jews on purpose. Would you want to listen to somebody who condemns you before you have a chance to answer? I wouldn't.

Reading Acts confirms my sentiments about religion. The Jews and Christians are constantly bickering like children—children who kill each other when they disagree. It's not a very loving situation, and it contradicts my idea of how a good person should live. They can never agree to disagree; they're always meddling in other people's affairs. It's not appealing to me at all, and it makes me glad I am neither a Christian nor a Jew.

The Power of Sleep

Today I almost had a bad day. I say almost because first of all, ever since I started working at the schwag (Miller Dining Hall for you proper people) as a dishwasher, every Tuesday and Thursday is a 13 hour day. I have five classes from 8 am to 3 pm nonstop (a 30 minute "lunch break" doesn't quite count), then I go to work from 4:25 until about 8:30 or 8:45. It's a horrible schedule and I'm not sure why I decided adding work in the evening would be a good idea, but I think my reasoning was if I did everything on Tuesday and Thursday the other days would be less busy (not true).

Anyway, last night I spent the night at my unofficial boyfriend of sorts house (I'll call him Patrick — I won't go into detail about the situation, ha ha) and I set my alarm for 6:30 so I would have time to go home and get ready for the day. I had a test in my 8:00 class this morning which was open note; I prepared for it last night.

This morning my alarm went off at 6:30; it was loud and obnoxious and I immediately turned it off (no snooze - off). I looked over at Patrick; he was somehow still sound asleep. I decided I didn't want to get up immediately and immediately fell into a deep sleep.

Time passed while I slept, completely unaware. Eventually I drifted into consciousness to Patrick saying "Do you have class?" I realized what had happened and noticed it was light outside. I looked at my phone and it said 8:13. I said a blasphemous word and immediately got up to go. After leaving Patrick's house I had to go home, get my academic materials, and bike to campus. This whole process took me approximately 30 minutes, and it was quite a stressful time.

Ironically, everything I have done for the class my test was in lately has been unimpressive. A couple weeks ago we were supposed to meet with our professor to talk about the assignments we have done so far. First, I made an appointment, forgot about it, and didn't go. Then, I made it to my appointment, but I didn't have the assignments with me, which were obviously the whole point of the meeting, so I had to embarrassingly re-schedule again. Then, we were split into groups for a project, and my group was scheduled to present on November 24, when I will be in Alaska (sound familiar? the same thing happened to me in Lit 240. Obviously, this is a sign I should not miss school for extended vacations), so I had to ask to be in a different group. Also, I had signed up to participate in an Indian Education for All seminar which my teacher was putting on last Friday, and when she asked to talk to the people who were going to it on Thursday I had to tell her I couldn't make it because I went out of town last weekend. This was a faux pas because she had reserved a spot for me - apparently it was popular. She was not pleased.

As I was frantically biking to class all of these things were running through my head. Today was the first day I have overslept all semester and it had to be when I had a test in a class I could normally skip under such circumstances. Luckily, the class is Multicultural Education and the teacher has to be a tolerant, understanding person, so she accepted my lame "I overslept. I have no other excuse," excuse and waited after class until I finished, about 20 minutes after the class officially ended.

This morning our "have a bad day assignment" was running through my head while these events unfolded. But, things worked out for me, I decided to skip my next class (my least favorite) in favor of going to International Coffee Traders and getting breakfast, and the rest of the day went smoothly enough. I agree with Jeanie, there should be no bad days if you have an optimistic view of the world. Bad events still happen, but if I had let my morning ruin my day I don't think I would be able to get through any Tuesday or Thursday of this semester.

An observation: a good day starts with sleeping in; a bad day starts with oversleeping.

why do people suffer?

Job says:

"Truly, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom;
and to depart from evil is understanding."

-Job 28:28

Elihu says:

"Your wickedness affects others like you, and your righteousness, other human beings."

-Job 35:8

God's response to Job is obscure. He speaks of the animals of the earth and their ways, which he says Job has no control over or even knowledge of; they are God's creatures. Then he mentions "the Leviathan" (41:1), which I take to be an example of something God protects humans from. The best answer I can fathom as to "why do people suffer?" is that people are selfish and don't deserve not to suffer. Even a righteous man like Job had a comfortable, good life for himself and he allowed his sons and daughters to partake in possibly sinful activity. But I think his worst sin was after God took everything away from him; he felt sorry for himself. He did not ask what more he could do for God at that point, but why God would do such things to him. Ultimately, he was more concerned about his well-being than his righteousness. He even said several times that he did not sin in his words—this suggests that the sin was within his mind, even if his words or actions never showed it.

This is a fascinating question, but I have to point out the reason this all started. In chapter 1 of Job, it says "One day the heavenly beings came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan also was among them" (1:6). The Lord asks Satan where he came from; Satan replies "From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking up and down on it" (1:7; I love this quote). Then, nonchalantly, God asks "Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man who fears God and turns away from evil" (1:8).

This is apparently the origin of Job's plight, and nowhere does it suggest that God considered Job to be a sinner. Rather, he is like God's champion to be tested by Satan and prove Satan wrong. I wonder why God brought Job up in the first place; Satan didn't ask for somebody to torture. The Harper-Collins Study Bible says this verse suggests an ongoing rivalry between God and Satan. God is proud of Job, and he's rubbing it in Satan's face because nobody loves Satan like Job loves God. This makes God seem rather petty, in my opinion.

With that in mind, it is hard for me to take the ending of Job seriously. God seems rather selfish himself. He points out everything he has control over that humans are only witnesses of, which apparently he hasn't gotten enough credit for so he has to bring up again. Job's apology to God basically says he is ignorant and unworthy, and God likes this. And then, without giving Job's friends a chance to repent, he praises Job and grudgingly orders them to sacrifice to him as punishment. God is fickle indeed.

Back to the question of why people suffer. Although Job has a strange plot line, I still think the idea of selfishness is a good answer. About a month ago, I had a revelation of sorts. I decided that all humans are primarily selfish beings and the ultimate fulfillment of life is to stimulate the senses (see, feel, taste, hear, smell). Through the senses comes the most pleasure, and each person wants to gain pleasure through their own senses. Everybody wants to take care of himself/herself before taking care of other people because that's how people are — selfish.

Why does God dislike selfishness? The answer is obvious; he wants people to put him first. This is why people are supposed to devote their lives to doing things for him, which apparently mainly consists of talking about him and getting others to do the same thing, as well as following all sorts of strange rituals and rules. This ties into the second quote at the top of my post — human actions can only impact other humans; God observes. As long as things are done in the name of God, they're acceptable.

One could argue that the central question of The Slave is, "Why do people suffer?" Jacob wonders why he is a slave as he recites verses saying the Lord will not make him a slave. The ironic thing is that through his attempted devoutness, he suffers even more. I'm not going to go into detail because I'm not done with the book, but it's definitely a theme I've noticed.

One justification for people suffering on earth is that they will have an amazing, suffer-free life after death in "heaven" or whatever it's called. This is also apparently why they should devote their lives to teaching others about God, so more people can have better lives after they die. It's a complete oxymoron.

I'll take karma any day. There's good and bad, and it is our actions. Why do people suffer? Because they would not know joy otherwise.

Susanna and Peter Quince at the Clavier

"Music is feeling, then, not sound;"

I like Wallace Stevens already, and I agree whole-heartedly. If feeling is music, music is love. But is music like the lust of the elders for Susanna? I hope not, because their lust was wholly impure. Or maybe different feelings are synonymous with different emotions. Let's say the elder's lust is like country music. That I can handle.

Green evening vs. red-eyed elders...who felt:

"The basses of their beings throb
In witching chords, and their thin blood
Pulse pizzicati of Hosanna."

I didn't know the meaning of "pizzicati" off the top of my head, but Merriam-Webster says it's the plural form of "a note or passage played by plucking strings." As for "Hosanna," it seems to be some sort of cry for salvation. These definitions actually obscure the passage even more for me. Then there's "witching chords," which perhaps suggest some sort of spell Susanna has put on the elders. The elders in the story of Susanna are full of lust, and somehow they think raping Susanna is their salvation?

"In the green water..."

Color again. Green is good. Susanna is in her bath. Stevens is filling in the lacuna here. Susanna is having a spiritual moment in her bath. She reflects upon past emotions (or "devotions"). And then, the music breaks down.

"A cymbal crashed,
Amid roaring horns."

This is the elders crashing Susanna's spiritual moment — ruining her perfect melody. "Roaring horns;" this must be a devilish metaphor for the elders.

"Soon, with a noise like tambourines,
Came her attendant Byzantines."

The tambourines add a lighter, perhaps salvational, mood to the melody. Her attendants are semi-coming to the rescue, but the events are still hectic. The attendants don't ask Susanna what's wrong; they whisper to one another.

"And as they whispered, the refrain
Was like a willow swept by rain."

I'm trying to figure out the willow metaphor, but maybe all it's referring to is the sound of rain falling on a willow tree. The attendants shine their lamps on Susanna and the elders...

"And then, the simpering Byzantines
Fled, with a noise like tambourines."

Now this is interesting. "With a noise like tambourines," is exactly how the attendants' arrival was described. Entrances and exits, they're like tambourines? The elders' exit is shameful, and they wish it was silent but it still causes a ruckus.

"Beauty is momentary in the mind —
The fitful tracing of a portal;
But in the flesh it is immortal.

The body dies; the body's beauty lives."

Interesting concept. Most people would say the concept of beauty is the other way around. Isn't everyone a judge of beauty as they perceive it in their minds? Apparently not. Maybe God is the ultimate judge, and we just guess.

"So evenings die, in their green going,"

Green again, and again green evenings. Good things don't last, and neither does beauty...in the mind.

"A wave, interminably flowing."

This makes me think of the flow of a musical wave.

"Susanna's music touched the bawdy strings
Of those white elders; but, escaping,
Left only Death's ironic scraping."

"White elders," a new color. Neutral, perhaps? They couldn't quite be saved and brought to the green side, but at least they aren't red anymore. I'm not sure what this could imply: that if the elders had their way with Susanna, they would be moved further to good? I somehow doubt it; I'm probably way off. Now that I think about it, Susanna's music is what escaped from the elders, so maybe this is referring more to Susanna's fate.

"Now, in its immortality, it plays
On the clear viol of her memory,
And makes a constant sacrament of praise."

The immortal thing referred to is Susanna's music, which lives on in the Biblical story if nothing else. She preserved the beauty of her flesh by not succumbing to the elders, so the beauty of her pure body lives on immortally. She's an example for all of us.

Consider this to be my rudimentary analysis. I like the poem a lot more now that I've read Susanna and looked at it more closely. I like the music and color metaphors especially; music and the color green are two of my favorite things. Going back to the first stanza of the poem, it seems to start as a love poem — or perhaps a lust poem. Stevens is possibly using Susanna's story as metaphorical praise. I would speculate further into the relationship of the title to the poem, but I don't know enough details about the character of Peter Quince. How this relates to our overall class discussion remains uncertain to me, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.

Leviticus, and the origin of Catholic guilt

Having tackled Leviticus, I'll say it's all it was built up to be. But I have found some points of interest in the first few chapters already, also known as things that make me laugh.

5:3 "Or when you touch human uncleanness—any uncleanness by which one can become unclean—and are unaware of it, when you come to know it, you shall be guilty."

This is amazing descriptive language, courtesy of P. And very ambiguous. If you don't know, you're fine, but if you find out 10 years down the road, you're screwed. Especially if you can't afford a sheep and you can't find any turtledoves or pigeons.

5:15 "When any of you commit a trespass and sin unintentionally in any of the holy things of the Lord, you shall bring, as your guilt offering to the Lord, a ram without blemish from the flock, convertible into silver by the sanctuary shekel; it is a guilt offering."

First of all, great alliteration! P truly impresses me. More importantly, this is the beginning of a whole section on "guilt offerings," which I can only assume to be the origin of Catholic guilt. I can't think of a better explanation, actually — something you don't intend to do and maybe don't know is a sin at the time can still create plenty of guilt later. I was raised Catholic, so I find this rather fascinating. Even though I'm not religious anymore, I know the feeling all too well. I suppose in lieu of animal sacrifices, people are supposed to give money to the church these days...another reason for me not to practice Catholicism.

With that, I will continue my spiritual journey.