Organization of Thought

I have just painstakingly leafed through The Slave, page by page, taking notes on interesting and Slavery-related things. I did this in the hope that I would get inspiration and focus for my paper, as well as quotations and such.

It seems to me that Jacob faces two internal struggles throughout the book. One, with his religion. Two, with "lust;" also known as what is later his love for Wanda/Sarah. Basically, it's a battle between the two. Can it be described with one word? I'm trying to figure this out.

Jacob's religious struggle is fascinating to me. In my opinion, he is enslaved by religion more than anything else throughout the book. He practically starves himself when performing hard manual labor for the sake of eating kosher. He refuses to touch Wanda (most of the time) because she is not a Jew, nor are they married.  The fact that he is circumcised is like Judaism's brand on him (although I have nothing against this practice, trust me). One of my favorite quotes relating to this issue is from page 123, "No matter what one does, one stumbles into sin." Jacob thinks this as he is leaving town on a wagon to return to Wanda, because he is embarrassing the widow he is standing up by not marrying. This quote basically describes organized religion to me. It's impossible to not sin! Everybody knows it. That makes being religious even harder, because the religious are constantly feeling guilty for sinning, and going out of their way to attempt not to sin, all the while knowing they're going to sin anyway. It's a stressful way of living, and Jacob definitely makes it seem that way.

On a related note, there is also a religious conflict among the Jews—to follow the laws scrupulously, or to be a good person? Another of my favorite quotes is about this, on page 247:

But now [Jacob] at least understood his religion: its essence was the relation between man and his fellows. Man's obligations toward God were easy to perform ... Rather than troubling himself to induce a Jew to eat pork or kindle a fire on the Sabbath, Satan did easier and more important work, advocating those sins deeply rooted in human nature.

 I like this passage because although I thought Jacob was devout to the point of craziness a lot of the time, this shows he was actually a good person. So many Jews in the book (Gershon is a prime example) picked and chose which laws they would follow scrupulously while completely disregarding others, which of course is disgustingly hypocritical.

Next, about Jacob's internal struggle with his lust/love. This basically ties in to his religious struggle because his religion is what dictates his every action and inaction. If that's not slavery, what is? I think I'm on to something here. In fact, Jacob even tells his cattle one time (page 90) "We are all slaves...God's slaves."

Anyway, Jacob initially denies Wanda because it's a sin for them to have sex or be involved in general. But when he does eventually give in, he makes Wanda immerse herself completely in a freezing cold stream so she'll be cleansed properly before they have sex. Preposterous! I admire her for putting up with this treatment, but then it actually sounded like it made things more exciting when they got down to it. Later, after Jacob is ransomed, his perpetual slavery is again addressed on page 113, "The Jews had ransomed him but he remained a slave. Passion held him like a dog on a leash." When I read the first sentence, I initially thought this was talking about how he is a slave to his religion, but apparently it's more about how he is a slave to passion/Wanda. I would argue that it could go either way. He is pretty passionate about his religion, more passionate than he is about Wanda. He loves Wanda, for sure, but he puts his religion above her in every situation. This, to me, is Jacob's worst downfall. Then again, I am not religious...I'm selfish. If I was Wanda, I would tell Jacob what's up, and I would not stand for that.

I fear that if I continue to write this will turn into more and more of a ramble, so I'll leave it with this. I think it's helped me figure things out a little.

Esau in The Slave

As I scan The Slave looking for points to use in my paper, I'm noticing things that I skipped over when I first read it, which I should have questioned more.

First, references to Esau. Jacob calls Wanda a "daughter of Esau" on page 111. Then, on page 133 when Jacob is traveling back to Wanda's town, he reasons with himself that trying to save his unborn child is a virtuous act because "his seed would not be mingled with that of Esau." Then, on the next page, a random man shows Jacob the path he must take, and Jacob likens him to the prophet Elijah but then considers he might be "an emissary of Esau, sent by those powers who wished Jews and gentiles to mate."

I don't know about everybody else, but from what I remember about Esau, he was Jacob's brother whom Jacob stole the birthright and blessing from, and he was a hunter who liked meat.

Having just gone back to re-read Esau's story, I realized that the "sin" Jacob in The Slave keeps referring too is intermarriage between Jews and, in Esau's case, Canaanite women. So, if Wanda is truly a "daughter of Esau," one of her parents must be a Jew, which is obviously not true. And, I highly doubt that Esau would have emissaries urging Jews and gentiles to mate, because when Esau realized that intermarriage was displeasing to his father, he went out and married a Jew (as if one Jew among 15 Cannaanites would set things right? Esau was a poor fool).

But, I do understand the part of "his seed mingling with Esau," because in this context any gentiles could be descendants of Esau. And actually, Wanda could be a "daughter of Esau," in a distant sort of way.

After reading into this I kind of feel bad for Esau. He tried, but things didn't work out for him. It's hard when Jacob is your brother, I suppose.

Which brings me to the question: How is Jacob in The Slave like the Biblical Jacob?

It could be a whole new term paper.

Term Paper (for real?)

I have been feeling the pressure of this term paper as the days drag on, and it is not a pleasant feeling. I keep thinking that an epiphany will come to me (what does that mean again?) but no such luck. I am going to have to commit myself to something and run with it. I now regret not reading at a faster pace throughout the semester, but nothing can be done but to continue.

I had originally thought I would for sure write about "What I know now that I didn't know before and the difference that it makes," but the more I thought about it the more I realized I had no idea how to focus my thesis. So many things I learned in this class were about life in general and perspectives for looking at it, and it would be very hard to focus a thesis on this and still make it relevant to the academic subjects of the class.

So, I have come to realize the best thing for me to do is write about The Slave. I went back and read the blog I wrote about it right after I finished it, and I decided the best thing to discuss would be Jacob's personal slavery, or lack thereof. I would argue that he is a slave throughout the book, whether it be to Wanda's family, to his religion, or to Wanda/Sarah herself. I know this is a boring and unoriginal subject, especially because Dr. Sexson suggested it if we were having difficulties focusing our papers, but frankly, I am having those difficulties, and I am not a graduating senior so I reserve the right to be average as far as this class is concerned.

The most difficult obstacle I expect to encounter when writing this paper is referencing Northrop Frye thrice times over. How am I going to do this? I can hardly understand him, much less relate him to The Slave.

Clearly, I have a lot of work to do.

Ezekiel 4:9

Today, I had the desire to make a grilled cheese. This pretty much happens every day. The difference about today is that I am at home in Alaska, which means I don't have to pay for groceries while I mooch from my mother.

When I picked up the bread and looked at it, I couldn't help but laugh. It was Ezekiel 4:9 bread! Apparently they make a whole line of products, not just bland and dry crunchy cereal. I had to sample the bread. It turns out it is kind of like the cereal; it doesn't have much flavor. But, as the package tells me, "This Biblical bread is truly the staff of life."

I feel healthier already.

term paper

I know I want to write my paper on what I know now that I didn't know before and the difference that it makes, but I have yet to come up with a good thesis. I've been unable to put enough thought into it, and I don't want to say something stupid because I would just change it later. Also, I think it would be interesting to write a paper on The Slave, but I have even less of an idea what that thesis would be.

What I do know is that I am going to be in Alaska for about 10 days and during that time I will work extensively on my term paper, when I actually have time to think without frantically getting things done. It's always in the back of my mind, but the back of my mind hasn't generated a thesis for me yet.

Test 2

I originally planned to read everything for the test over the weekend and spend a good amount of time Monday studying, but events never go as planned.

What actually happened was a read a little over the weekend, then Monday rolled around. I woke up at 3:30 am Monday morning with a splitting headache. I couldn't figure out why, so I drank some water and went back to sleep. When I woke up again at 7, the headache was still going strong. It was bad enough that it was distracting, so I rummaged around in my drawer for some Advil or Motrin. I couldn't find either, but I did have some Hydrocodone left over from previous ailments. It seemed like my best option, so I took one and went to work from 8-10, where I consumed copious amounts of water in hopes that it would stave off the headache. I came home after work and read Good Book, and things were going well. Around 11:30 the headache returned. I took another Hydrocodone. I don't want to sound like a pill-popper, but headaches like that rarely happen to me, and it was my best option.

I had class from 2-3, and I planned on spending a couple hours on campus after class and studying, but then I had to walk to Culbertson to turn in a Study Abroad application and I decided it would be easier to walk home and study there. Then when I got home, a friend from Alaska was visiting so I got distracted, and lo and behold the night slipped away and very little studying ensued. I went to my room to try to read, but laying in bed I closed my eyes and all productivity ceased. I became too tired and distracted by my still-lingering headache to get anything of value accomplished, so I gave up. It was a bad decision on my part, and something I rarely do. I always try to be as prepared as possible for tests, but it was not happening on Monday. Might I add that at this time "the way of women was upon me." It's an excuse. I'm using it. I'm not sure if it had anything to do with my headache but it probably had something to do with my general sluggishness.

Tuesday morning I had a group project presentation at 8 am. I was not on top of my game. I then skipped my 9:30 class to try to cram for the test at 11, but I knew I was already destined to fail. A feeling of impending doom loomed over my all morning, getting worse as 11:00 approached. By the time I was sitting in class, I was prepared to get a low score, and I wanted to get it over with.

Sure enough, my performance was less than stellar. I am pretty embarrassed about the whole situation because I knew it was a "stupid test" and I was worse than stupid. But considering the circumstances, I'm glad it's over.

Revelation!

Shelby inspired me to read Revelation, and it's probably the most riveting book I've read yet. It's intense. My favorite part is probably the sacrificial Lamb who gets to open the scroll with seven seals. I'm glad it wasn't sacrificed in vain.

The book of Revelation has a powerful message. Having read it, I'm surprised I don't remember more about it from my Catholic upbringing. It makes the strongest case to listen to everything else the book is saying. It's using the promise of "everlasting life" to make everybody buy into it. I'm a fan of the idea of everlasting life, but I'm still a skeptic on the truth of the Bible. It's an interesting argument.