Coincidences abound!

Maybe nobody checks this blog anymore, but I am really excited about something. My sister gave me a book to read over the break called "A Life at Work" by Thomas Moore. There are inspirational quotes at the beginning of each chapter. I just got to Chapter 4 and read this:

"Leonardo advised aspiring artists to discover the pictures to be found in cracks in walls; Chinese sages were conceived as their mothers stepped into the footprints of unicorns; all of us make up our lives out of the cracks in the walls of our past memories and the unicorn footprints of our future."

Lynda Sexson

I gasped when I read this. A coincidence again! Is it too much of a stretch to think that this is the Lynda Sexson who was our guest speaker in Lit 240? I don't think so. Not many other people with a name like that would speak such wise words. Some Google-ing has revealed that the quote is from a book called "Ordinarily Sacred" by Sexson. And it is the same Sexson.

And I would recommend "A Life at Work," if you're looking for something to read and/or are lost in life.

I might check out "Ordinarily Sacred," too.

No more class?

I know most of us can agree that class today was ...sentimental? Emotional? Natalie's presentation, her dad's guitar music, and Ben's poem set quite a mood.

But that fact that we as a class "came together," as Shelby said in her blog, was pretty cool.

On the first day of class I wasn't sure what to expect. I was excited to learn more about the Bible, although my reason was something along the lines of "now I'll be able to have good arguments when I talk to crazy religious people." Then Dr. Sexson walked in with his shaky hands and white hair and I knew that could mean either a very good or a bad thing. I was slightly intimidated by his challenge of reading the entire Bible, but I had a feeling everything would work itself out, and it did.

I'm not sure I've ever written a "term paper" before I wrote one for this class, so that's probably why mine was not so exciting. After seeing everybody else present, hundreds of ideas ran through my head and I could have written about many things. But as I have previously stated, I was afraid attempting to tackle something else would have been hard to focus and turn into somewhat of a ramble, like my blogs.

It seems like a lot of people are fascinated by the topic of suffering. This makes sense considering Natalie and Lisette's recent tragedies, but why? In reality, nobody wants to suffer. So this fascination with suffering must be a way of justifying it and making it more bearable, so in the future it will be easier to cope with. I don't want to toot my own horn here, but all of this death discussion has made me think about my past. My dad died when I was about 18 months old of a brain tumor (I'm glad Jean survived hers), so I never knew him. I never went through a grieving process that I can remember because I was so young, and I grew up with it as a fact of life. This made for a lot of awkward conversations, because whenever I would be forced to state the fact people wouldn't know what to say, and sometimes they would comment that I didn't seem sad about it. But what was I supposed to do? I watched my mom struggle with the loss of her husband while raising two young children, and I never fully appreciated it until now. I think growing up with no father, and the fact that he died, kind of made me hide my emotions about everything. I tend to seem completely unemotional at times, but I have also come to realize one reason. My greatest fear is losing somebody that I love. I have already lost a close family member who I never got to know... I lost somebody that I love before I even knew him. So I definitely feel for Natalie because her and her dad seemed to have a great relationship, and that makes the loss so much worse. Then again, she was lucky enough to spend a lot of time with him before he died, so you always have to look on the bright side.

"Things happen for a reason they say, but I say there's a reason things happen."

-Blue Scholars

I'm not sure where I'm going with this other than the fact that it's turned into a ramble, again. My point is that there's no use dwelling on the past and it's best to be grateful for what you have. I like to keep the above quote in mind whenever bad things happen because it explains well that you have to accept life's events, good and bad, and move on.

And on that note, it's been a good semester. I have grown up, too. Life's only going to get better...enjoy.

How does the Bible find me boring?

It's the end of the semester and any hopes I had of making a sizable dent in the Bible were dashed long ago. I read Genesis and Exodus in entirety, as well as Esther, Acts, Susanna, and Job, and I read a few other excerpts here and there. But overall I have failed at the first and most daunting challenge of this class: to read the whole Bible, actually read it.

When it comes down to it, it's really hard for me to read the Bible and make substantial progress. I lose focus after half of a column, I have to go back and re-read, I try to stay focused for the next half of a column, the same thing happens, one of my roommates starts talking to me, I try to focus again, something pops into my mind, my mind wanders as I "read" another column, I realize I don't know what happened, and I eventually give up with another two pages of Biblical knowledge swimming around somewhere in my head.

Basically, I am a failure when it comes to reading the Bible. And of course, it's not because the Bible is boring. It's because I am boring, according to the Bible. So, how does the Bible find me boring?

I am not religious, not in any organized sense of the word. I haven't made the quest of figuring out what I believe in a significant part of my life. I was raised Catholic and that certainly didn't make me want to be Catholic. I took a religions class last year predominantly about Hinduism and Buddhism, and they turned out to be very complex and confusing and difficult to teach, much less understand as a student. I've believed in karma as a constant force in the world for years, but I learned the true definition of karma is action, which put a whole new spin on it for me. I still believe that every action is meaningful in the whole scheme of things, but I digress.

Perhaps the Bible finds me boring because I haven't done what it wants me to do: devote my life to religion. If I had, I would probably be very interested in what it had to say, as it would make a direct impact on how I live my life. Then again, reading what parts of it I have has certainly not persuaded me to become religious, and several religious people in our class have reported that reading the Bible has led to more questioning of their faith than they had anticipated.

Maybe the Bible finds me boring because I am not a true English major. I haven't dedicated my life to reading as much as possible and learning as much as possible as a result. I have instead selfishly spent my time doing fun things, like snowboarding, and frisbee golfing, and hanging out with my friends, and watching TV. But these things are necessary (not all, but the point of doing them) in order to be a well-balanced person and to be happy.

Basically, at this point in my life I am not ready to sit down for 500 hours (plus or minus) and read the entire Bible. But I assure you, I will at some point. It's another book on my reading list inspired by Dr. Sexson. And maybe that's what the challenge at the beginning of the semester was meant to accomplish. I have been inspired by the Bible and our discussion of it, and it will stay with me for the rest of my life.

Firefly

I am becoming accustomed to the seemingly large number of random coincidences related to this class, and in fact one such coincidence happened to me last night.

I was sitting at my friend's house (when I could have been reading the Bible, ha ha), and we had just finished watching a dramatic but amusing TV show called "Sex Rehab with Dr. Dave" when my friend turned to me and asked, "Have you ever seen Firefly?"

"No, but it's funny that you say that...." I replied, and went on to tell him about how Ashley had written her term paper about how Firefly is a perfect example of how the Bible tells stories that will happen forever, even in a futuristic world (or something like that, my apologies if I didn't get the thesis exactly right). And I definitely wanted to watch it, because my interest had been piqued.

My friend replied that he believes the Bible is "the ultimate story." In fact, he persuaded me to basically agree with the idea that the main gist of the stories in the Bible tell basically every story that happens in real life. I had been skeptical about this before, but I was being too realistic. Not every detail is written (lacuna!), but the main ideas are the same.

So, we proceeded to watch the beginning of Firefly. I don't think I watched enough of it to make any intelligent introspections about it, but it was pretty interesting. Actually, it kind of reminded me of Star Wars with no weird aliens and more sketchy activity in the absence of an actual war. I was also not really a fan of the captain of the ship, but he was a "mysterious" character. I'll leave it at that before I say something more stupid.

Term Paper and Reflection of sorts

Below is my term paper in full. Unlike many of the others, I'm pretty sure it's at the 200 level, no better. Regardless, I got pretty into my topic and I liked writing about The Slave, because we didn't talk about it much in class.

When I initially considered the options for what to write my paper on, I was certain I would write it about "What I know now that I didn't know before and the difference that it makes." But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it would be difficult to focus such a paper, and further, I feared it would come off as more informal than a term paper should be, since I would be writing about myself rather specifically. So many things I learned in this class weren't even about the Bible. They include life lessons, book and movie recommendations (which I plan to explore when I'm not mid-semester), new vocabulary, writing tips (like many others, I've been struggling to eliminate the word "just" from my vocabulary), and of course the Sexson quotes that seem to stick in my head. One of my favorites:

"Have you heard of these people? Seniors? If you see one, run the other direction."

This may not be word for word but it's amusing and also good advice. (Maybe not literally, it would probably offend my grandpa if I followed this practice. But it does encourage me to never be a "senior" in this sense of the word).

Anyway, I learned a lot of things about the Bible as well. I have not been able to really accept the idea that everything that has ever happened and will happen is already written in the Bible in some form. Frankly, I don't think this is possible and I know that a lot of events in my life were not written about in the Bible. Maybe in a more generalized form this point could be proved, but accepting it as truth is not a commitment I'm willing to make.

I found the discussion of "mythos" and "logos" to be especially interesting. The idea that the Bible is mythos was novel to me. Like many other people in this class (or hopefully, everybody), I entered with a preconceived notion of what the Bible is, even though I had only read a miniscule amount of if (and what I had read had been forgotten, so that didn't help me much). I thought the Bible was an account of the way life should be led and that meant that it contained many pious acts and lessons about how to be a good person. Consequently, I was shocked to find accounts of unjustified mass murder (or collective punishment, whatever you want to call it), incest (this was especially shocking, Lot's daughters are ridiculous), and a moody God who gets way too angry way too quickly and is easily persuaded to change his mind. All of these appalling stories made much more sense when I realized what the Bible actually is—a story; mythos. It doesn't have to be perfect (like in the clip from "Firefly" we watched today, the Bible isn't broken and it can't be fixed), it is telling a story for the purpose of the reader's enrichment. In Leviticus and Deuteronomy this doesn't really hold true, but most other places it does.

Anyway, this precursor to my actual paper is growing longer than I planned it to. Basically, our course title "Biblical Foundations of Literature" is fitting. The Bible has been integrated into so much literature it is impossible to escape, and any literature fanatic who is not familiar with the Bible is cheating him/herself. Further, the Bible is literature, quite possibly some of the earliest literature in existence (this claim has not been researched).

Maybe I took the easy way out by writing about The Slave, but I know what I have learned will make a difference. Finally, here's my term paper.

Faithful Slavery

            Isaac Bashevis Singer’s novel The Slave tells the story of a Jewish man named Jacob. At the beginning of the book, Jacob is a slave in a remote mountain village in Poland; he was captured when his own village was attacked and mostly massacred for being Jewish. He has been working for what he calls a “heathen” and “gentile” family for four years, and his master’s daughter, Wanda, is in love with him. Jacob repeatedly states that they cannot be together because of their religious differences, although it is clear that he also loves Wanda. This religious conflict is a major theme in the book, and Jacob’s religion controls every aspect of his life until his death. For this reason, the title “The Slave” describes Jacob perfectly—not only is he literally a slave, he is mentally a slave to his religion and God. Jacob’s religion dictates his every action and inaction, and because of this parallels can be made between Jacob and the most devout of Biblical characters.

Singer makes it clear from the beginning of the book that Jacob’s religion defines him as a person. Judaism has branded him with its mark, constantly reminding him of his faith: “Circumcision was the only sign on his body that he was a Jew” (6). This physical mark sets Jacob apart from non-Jews, even if it isn’t openly visible. Jacob meticulously performs every ritual and recites every prayer for every occasion, and in his free time he prays and recites as many verses as he can remember, in place of studying holy books he does not possess. Jacob’s devoutness borders on obsession: in the absence of books, writing utensils, and paper, he decides to scratch all of the holy verses he can remember into stone in his spare time. Jacob contrives this deed while attempting to rid himself of lustful thoughts, or as he calls it, “battling the Evil One” (38). Even Jacob’s thoughts are God’s property, and Jacob berates himself for these sinful thoughts; the verse-scratching is his punishment of sorts.

Jacob is convinced that everything that doesn’t assist him in his efforts to be an ideal Jew is “contrived by Satan” (11). When Jacob isn’t performing slave labor for humans (and even while he is), he’s performing slave labor for God, enacting his belief that “God looked down from heaven and rewarded and punished each man according to his deeds” (16). An example of Jacob’s obsessive Judaism is his refusal to eat non-kosher food, which results in him practically fasting while performing manual labor in the fields for weeks at a time, because “His sin was heinous enough merely eating the bread of the gentile; his soul could not tolerate further sullying” (42).

            Despite Jacob’s best efforts to the contrary, he eventually succumbs to his lust for Wanda, and they sleep together. Yet even in this sinful act he attempts to adhere to the rules of Judaism, requiring Wanda to immerse herself in the nearby stream, disregarding the fact that it is freezing cold and the middle of the night. Wanda complies, afterwards saying “I have done this for you” (67). Jacob replies, “No, not for me…for God;” (67) his statement describes his slave-like relationship with God. As God’s slave, Jacob must do everything according to God’s protocol, or risk punishment.

            Jacob’s devoutness in the face of suffering, including his hesitance to enjoy physical pleasures, is paralleled by Job of the Bible’s Book of Job in several ways. Job is discussed masterfully by Northrop Frye in his book The Great Code, who says that one main question addressed by the Book of Job is “How much can a man lose of what he has before the loss begins to affect what he is?” (195). In The Slave, Jacob loses everything—his freedom, his family, his home, everything he owns, and essentially everything he is familiar with. But what he is never changes—he is a Jew, and his Judaism continues to define his life. With that proven, Frye states the next step is figuring out God’s answer to why Job suffered so much. At first, it seems that there is no real answer, which Frye says would serve to “justify the ways of man’s superstition and slave morality to God” (196). This is certainly true for Jacob; he never asks “Why?” and he never gets an answer. His assumptions that God is mysterious but purposeful and that all of the answers are within the already-written holy books lend to his “slave morality.” Frye would agree with Jacob that “certainly there is no ‘answer’ to Job’s ‘problem’” (Frye 196). Ultimately, “how Job got into his position is less important than how he is to get out of it,” (Frye 196) and Jacob seems to believe that every trial and hardship he endures is a sign that he should be more devout. When he finally gives in to cohabiting with Wanda, he transfers his beliefs onto her and makes it his responsibility to ensure that she is as devout as he is—a task that hardly seems possible.

            Jacob is ransomed by fellow Jews from his hometown when he least expects it; his prompt, unannounced departure is especially tragic because Wanda’s father has recently died and she “has no one but [Jacob]” who is close to her (90). While riding back to his hometown with his fellow Jews, Jacob finds out that his entire family was killed in the massacre except for one sister. Although this is not especially surprising to him and it has been years since he saw any of his family, Jacob’s response is devoutly measured: “Should I rend my clothes? I have forgotten the law” (100). He seems to withdraw into his Judaism; after being a slave to Wanda’s family for so long, his hometown is basically foreign to him. Again, the only thing he has going for him is his Judaism, and he devotes his time to studying the holy books, reciting verses, and teaching. He notes the behavior of the Jews around him and its contrast with the silence of God: “Jacob saw that he must follow God’s example, seal his lips, and forget the fool within, with his fruitless questions” (107).

            Jacob’s struggles in returning to his Jewish community reflect a more restrained relationship with God—with the proper religious materials available, being a slave to his religion consumes his life. “He sat in the study house longing for the open air…The Jews had ransomed him, but he remained a slave” (113). It is during this time that Jacob makes a realization which truly defines him as a slave, when he reflects that “it is impossible for me to obey the commandment, Thou Shalt Love Thy God. No, I cannot, Father, not in this life” (108). It is extremely rare for a slave to love his master, and the fact that Jacob cannot love God yet remains a devout Jew speaks volumes about his slavery to religion. In fact, the reasons for Jacob’s devoutness are unclear; the best explanation is that he is very similar to the Biblical Job in patience and loyalty.

            Jacob becomes restless and decides to return to Wanda when he has a dream that she is pregnant with his child. When he finds her, she is in fact not pregnant, but they secretively leave the village anyway. What follows is both tragic and honorable; because Wanda is a gentile and cannot speak Yiddish, nor does she look Jewish, the couple decides to pretend she is mute while living among the Jews. They carefully select a new village to live in, where there is the least risk of Wanda’s true identity being revealed, and she changes her name to Sarah to seem more Jewish. Jacob meticulously teaches her the laws of Judaism and strives to enforce them upon her, but she does not follow the laws strictly, “and this caused Jacob sorrow” (158).

It is clear that Jacob still values his religion above his relationship with Wanda; in fact, he makes it a central element of their relationship. All of their free time is spent with Jacob teaching Wanda/Sarah about Judaism, and he begins to view their relationship as “a burden which became heavier with the passage of time” (159). This is not to say that Jacob does not love Sarah, but that his religion and culture are so inextricably intertwined that she cannot marry him without converting to Judaism, and if it is ever revealed that she is not a true Jew, things could get dangerous. Jacob reflects that because of this, his “years of enforced slavery had been succeeded by a slavery that would last as long as he lived,” (159) but in fact Jacob has been a slave to his religion the entire time; this only sheds his slavery in a different light, in which Jacob is more personally invested in the matter. He determines that continuing his life of deception is his only option, because “Sacred though the truth was, the law did not permit one to sacrifice oneself for it” (180). Again, Jacob thinks of everything in terms of God’s law.

As is expected, the book turns tragic but has a happy ending. Wanda/Sarah dies in childbirth, and Jacob raises their child in Jerusalem—truly an act of the best of God’s slaves. Jacob’s last voluntary act before dying is to pray in the study house of the town Wanda/Sarah died in. Due to miraculous events, Jacob is buried next to Wanda/Sarah—after all, he must have done something right before God, to receive such treatment after death.

The Slave is a complex narrative, of which Jacob’s religious slavery is a major aspect, although only one of many. However, his religion is truly what defines his life; every aspect of his life comes into contact with or is affected by his religion, and for this reason it is his main master. Everything Jacob does or decides not do to is determined by his religion; he performs the rituals and enacts the moral code. He makes mistakes from time to time, but that is the nature of humanity, and slaves aren’t perfect. It is the effort Jacob puts into being the best Jew he can be that makes him stand out so much among other Jews. From an outside perspective, his devoutness seems to border on obsession, and this is where his metaphorical slavery comes in. Jacob can’t be anything but Jewish until he dies, and it shows.

My part of the Acts script

This is the part of the Acts movie script that I wrote. I'm sure Erin will post the script in its entirety, but this way it looks like I did something.

Acts 7-8

Intro [narrator]: Stephen gives a speech to some Jews in which he tells the story of Exodus. Stephen condemns the Jews, which angers them.

Scene 1

Stephen: [to Jews] You stiff-necked people! You have failed to live righteously!

[Jews run at Stephen, take him down]

Stephen: Look! I see Jesus! [points towards the sky]

[Jews drag him away, stone him. Saul appears at the stoning, Jews lay their coats at his feet (or some other submissive behavior)]

Stephen: Lord Jesus, receive my spirit! [He dies.]

Saul: Well done, Jews! This man deserved to die.

Interlude

Narrator: Philip goes to Samaria to proclaim the coming of the Messiah. The people of Samaria had previously thought a magician named Simon was a holy man, but Philip proves him wrong by performing miraculous deeds and converts everybody, including Simon, to Christianity. Peter and John join him in Samaria to help baptize the new converts.

Scene 3 [involving a convert, Peter, John, and Simon]

[Peter splashes water over convert’s head and lays his hands on it while Simon watches intently]

Simon: I want to do that! [He pulls out a wad of cash] I’ll pay you all of this money if you give me the power to deliver the Holy Spirit through my hands, as you have done.

Peter: Fie on you! You and your money can go die! God’s gift cannot be bought! Repent! Repent! Pray for forgiveness, you wicked, wicked man!

Simon: Oh, woe is me! Please, pray for me so God will not hate me!

Peter: [to John] Our work here is done. Let us return to Jerusalem.

Acts 9

Scene 1

[Saul enters a synagogue to talk to the high priest]

Saul: Good father, can you help my cause? I ask of you letters to bear to the synagogues at Damascus, so I can capture any who have converted to this new devil religion and bring them back to Jerusalem for persecution.

High Priest: This is a good idea. I will help you in your efforts to preserve our most holy faith.

Saul: Thank you, good man! May the God of Abraham and Isaac bless you.

Scene 2

[Saul walks down a deserted path towards Damascus with two companions; suddenly, a light from heaven flashes down on him]

[Saul falls over dramatically]

Jesus: Saul…Saul! Why do you persecute me?

Saul: Who are you, Lord? I say Lord, yet I am confused.

Jesus: I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. But now you see I exist in all my glory, so go enter the city, and you will receive further directions. Your mission now is to praise me, and praise me you will.

Saul: I’m blind! The glory of Jesus has blinded me! I’M BLIND!!!

[Saul’s companions look on, confused]

Companion 1: Did you see anything?

Companion 2: Not I. He must be one of God’s chosen people!

Companion 1: It’s a miracle!

Saul: Help me! I’m blind!

[Saul’s companions lead him away. Soundtrack: Party to Damascus by Missy Elliott. Musical interlude – play music as Saul is shown being laid on a bed, looking pale and confused – fade to Ananias laying in bed, sleeping]

Scene 3

[Ananias is sleeping]

Jesus: Ananias.

[Ananias looks startled, wakes up]

Ananias: Here I am, Lord.

Jesus: Get out of bed! God to Judas’ house—it’s on Straight street. Do you know where that is?

[Ananias nods, still half asleep]

Jesus: Good. At Judas’ house, you will find a man named Saul. He is currently in shock because I temporarily blinded him while proving my majesty. He will be expecting you to give him his sight back; I showed you to him in a vision.

Ananias: But Lord, I can’t go to him! I have heard how evil he is, and he has permission from the High Priest to persecute people like me!

Jesus: Don’t make me look bad. Do you think yourself to be better than me? Do as I say! I need you to help prove my majesty to Saul. He is my instrument now. I will show him what real suffering is, and all people will bow down before me when they witness Saul’s plight!

Scene 4

[Ananias is standing over Saul in bed. He lays his hands on Saul.]

Ananias: Brother Saul, it is with the power of the Lord Jesus that I give you your sight back.

[Scale-like things fall from Saul’s eyes]

Ananias: Now be baptized.

[He splashes water on Saul’s head]

Saul: [Blinking, looking amazed] Praise Jesus! I feel better already.

Narraror: And Saul went on to proclaim the word of the Lord to all who would listen.

Acts 21-22 [prologue to 23]

Paul returns to Jerusalem from a crusade. He speaks with the elders there, who warn him that the Jews of Jerusalem hate him with a passion. They suggests he perform some rituals important to the Jews to improve his image. He performs the purification ritual, but the Jews try to kill him anyway. Soldiers come to Paul’s rescue, and Paul takes this opportunity to give a speech to the Jews. He announces he has been a Jew since he was born and tells the story of his encounter with Jesus. This does not impress the Jews, who get more angry with Paul. The soldiers try to beat Paul, but he uses his Roman citizenship to get out of it. The next day, Paul is sent to speak with the chief priests and town council.

Acts 23

Scene 1

[Paul stands before the council, looking at them intently. Soldiers stand next to him.]

Paul: Brothers, up to this day I have lived my life with a clear conscience before God.

High Priest Ananias: [to soldiers] Strike him on the mouth!

Paul: God will strike you, you whitewashed wall! You call me a criminal, but you’re breaking the law!

Soldiers: Do you dare to insult God’s high priest?

Paul: Oh, I didn’t know he was the high priest! Had I known I would not have spoken, for I know the law that says “You shall not speak evil of a leader of your people.”

[Paul’s thought bubble: Aha! Some of these men are Pharisees and some are Sadducees. I will use their conflicting beliefs to my advantage.]

Paul: Brothers, I am a Pharisee. I am on trial concerning the hope of the resurrection of the dead.

[The men start to bicker among themselves—Sadducees do not believe in resurrection/angel/spirit, but Pharisees do.]

A Pharisee: We find nothing wrong with this man. What if a spirit or an angel has spoken to him?

[The men become violent.]

Head Soldier: [talking about Paul] Take this man to the barracks! Use force if you must.

That evening the Lord spoke to Paul, saying “Keep up your courage! For just as you have testified for me in Jerusalem, so you must bear witness also in Rome.”

Scene 2

[at a gathering of Jews]

Jew 1: We must kill Paul!

Jew 2: We must! Let us agree to not eat or drink until we complete this task.

Jew 1: Good idea! Let’s go tell the chief priest and the elders.

Scene 3

[Jews stand before the elders]

Jew 1: We have vowed not to eat or drink until we kill Paul.

Jew 2: So, you should have the soldiers bring him here tomorrow.

Elder: But what will we say we need him for?

Jew 1: Say you need to question him more thoroughly.

Elder: Very well. We will do as you ask.

Paul’s sister’s son hears of this plot, and tells Paul. He then tells the head soldier (aka tribune) of the plot, who agrees not to bring Paul to the elders. The tribune then arranges for Paul to be brought to Caesarea, and writes a letter to the governor of Caesarea telling of Paul’s circumstances. Paul is brought to Caesarea and held captive there.

Organization of Thought

I have just painstakingly leafed through The Slave, page by page, taking notes on interesting and Slavery-related things. I did this in the hope that I would get inspiration and focus for my paper, as well as quotations and such.

It seems to me that Jacob faces two internal struggles throughout the book. One, with his religion. Two, with "lust;" also known as what is later his love for Wanda/Sarah. Basically, it's a battle between the two. Can it be described with one word? I'm trying to figure this out.

Jacob's religious struggle is fascinating to me. In my opinion, he is enslaved by religion more than anything else throughout the book. He practically starves himself when performing hard manual labor for the sake of eating kosher. He refuses to touch Wanda (most of the time) because she is not a Jew, nor are they married.  The fact that he is circumcised is like Judaism's brand on him (although I have nothing against this practice, trust me). One of my favorite quotes relating to this issue is from page 123, "No matter what one does, one stumbles into sin." Jacob thinks this as he is leaving town on a wagon to return to Wanda, because he is embarrassing the widow he is standing up by not marrying. This quote basically describes organized religion to me. It's impossible to not sin! Everybody knows it. That makes being religious even harder, because the religious are constantly feeling guilty for sinning, and going out of their way to attempt not to sin, all the while knowing they're going to sin anyway. It's a stressful way of living, and Jacob definitely makes it seem that way.

On a related note, there is also a religious conflict among the Jews—to follow the laws scrupulously, or to be a good person? Another of my favorite quotes is about this, on page 247:

But now [Jacob] at least understood his religion: its essence was the relation between man and his fellows. Man's obligations toward God were easy to perform ... Rather than troubling himself to induce a Jew to eat pork or kindle a fire on the Sabbath, Satan did easier and more important work, advocating those sins deeply rooted in human nature.

 I like this passage because although I thought Jacob was devout to the point of craziness a lot of the time, this shows he was actually a good person. So many Jews in the book (Gershon is a prime example) picked and chose which laws they would follow scrupulously while completely disregarding others, which of course is disgustingly hypocritical.

Next, about Jacob's internal struggle with his lust/love. This basically ties in to his religious struggle because his religion is what dictates his every action and inaction. If that's not slavery, what is? I think I'm on to something here. In fact, Jacob even tells his cattle one time (page 90) "We are all slaves...God's slaves."

Anyway, Jacob initially denies Wanda because it's a sin for them to have sex or be involved in general. But when he does eventually give in, he makes Wanda immerse herself completely in a freezing cold stream so she'll be cleansed properly before they have sex. Preposterous! I admire her for putting up with this treatment, but then it actually sounded like it made things more exciting when they got down to it. Later, after Jacob is ransomed, his perpetual slavery is again addressed on page 113, "The Jews had ransomed him but he remained a slave. Passion held him like a dog on a leash." When I read the first sentence, I initially thought this was talking about how he is a slave to his religion, but apparently it's more about how he is a slave to passion/Wanda. I would argue that it could go either way. He is pretty passionate about his religion, more passionate than he is about Wanda. He loves Wanda, for sure, but he puts his religion above her in every situation. This, to me, is Jacob's worst downfall. Then again, I am not religious...I'm selfish. If I was Wanda, I would tell Jacob what's up, and I would not stand for that.

I fear that if I continue to write this will turn into more and more of a ramble, so I'll leave it with this. I think it's helped me figure things out a little.